Putting it All Together

Domestic violence has many aspects which we have seen in the previous blogs. One has to wonder what love really means to some extent. Is being in love with someone making a sacrifice, being with him/her to have them there all the time, or is it really being in love with an individual. Some might speculate why two people who love each other get married and then have a violent relationship.

It makes no sense for a man to beat his wife, but there are many reasons as to why he feels there is a need to batter her. If a woman is not doing anything wrong and she is continuously getting beaten, yelled, and blamed on for everything, shouldn’t she leave? This is one question that is asked many times because no one can understand the situation.

When a woman is in that type of relationship, she should get away as soon as possible because it can end up in a serious death or having serious long term mental/health issues. By reading about domestic violence and having to experience it with my friend, I still have yet to understand why the woman stays.

I understand that the women have different reasons as to why they stay, but me speaking as a woman, I feel that I would never be able to stay in a relationship where a man is abusing me physically, verbally, or sexually. Hopefully I would never be in that situation, but I feel sorry for the women that are in the relationship and feel worthless.

Why Women Stay in this Marriage

Why Women Stay

After seeing what domestic violence is, what abuses they go through, and why the men beat them, why do these women stay in such a violent relationship? It appears that, women who are getting beaten by their husbands are learned helplessness. This means that the women know what is going to happen, meaning they know that their husbands are going to beat them, but they do not do anything about it, they feel hopeless.

Justice for Women States:

“There are many reasons why women stay with violent partners, and each case is unique and should be viewed individually….. The most effective form of abuse is thought to be emotional, which is why men use not only physical violence but a combination of mental, verbal, economic and sexual abuse to control women.”

As we can see here, we cannot ask ourselves why the women stay because each reason is unique in its own way. There is not one answer for all of these women who stay in this marriage/relationship. Each and every women has a different view as to why they stay. For instance:

Economically Unstable

The woman might be economically unstable to live on her own and would stay in the relationship. Since most women that get beaten stay home and take care of her husbands needs, she will not have enough money to go away and live on her own. How will the woman have her own apartment or house if her husband has always been the breadwinner?

Their Children

The woman would also stay in such a relationship because she feels that the children are better off living with two parents rather than one. If the husband and wife have children, the woman feels that if the children lived with her they may not be able to survive as they do with their mother and father.

Worst Consequences

Since most men feel that they are the most powerful and they have full control of their women, they will become harsher to their women if they leave the house. The women were the ones who would do everything for the men.

For example, make dinner, listen to every word their husband had to say, and also take in all the pessimistic comments and also there for their husband to hit and push around. So therefore, if the women do leave, the men would get a hold of them and try to kill them because she left.

Nowhere to Go

The woman feels that she cannot survive without her husband and fear that she cannot be with anyone else because of her low self esteem. The woman feels that she is ugly, fat, or dirty because her husband made her feel that way. If she leaves her husband, she will not have the strength to go out and try to find someone else because she feels that everyone else would see her the same way her husband has because she has heard such negative remarks her whole life.

Their Husband Will Not Hurt Her Again

In the third stage of the battering cycle, the husband tells the wife that he will not drink anymore, will attend church, will treat her better, and will not hurt her again. Claudia states “My mother did not leave because that was the love of her life. Also, she was scared of what he would have done if she left.”

Some women might have different reasons why they would not want to leave the marriage, but they are better off getting away before they get extremely injured or killed. There are millions of children out there that see and hear their mothers getting beaten. Some of which can have long-term consequences.

My Outlook

Speaking as a woman, this is very sad to think about. I still have yet to understand why the women stay in such a relationship. Their husbands are not doing anything but hurting them and making them feel worthless. I really hope that women become stronger and never let this happen to them.
Why Do Women Stay With VIolent Men? (n.d.). Retrieved October 29, 2008, from Justice for Women Web site: http://www.justiceforwomen.org.uk/LEAVE.HTM

Why Men Batter Their Wives

Why do men batter their wives?

People might think to themselves why a man batters his wife. There are many reasons why the man hits and abuses his wife. Even if the man is morally wrong for his actions, domestic violence occurs all the time with all different ethnicities, age, color, gender, and educational background. The man does not have to be mentally challenged or have health issues to beat on his wife.

Many men that abuse their wives do it because they feel that there are in control all the time. They also feel that what they say and do is the correct way. The woman does not have a choice or a say in the relationship because the man is the one that takes full control over everything.

Economically Depressed
A reason for a man to beat his wife may do to the fact that he may be economically depressed and having a hard time at work. If the man comes home from getting yelled at by his boss, he will not yell at his boss because he cannot afford getting fired.

He will go home and take his anger out on his wife because of his stressful day at work. Even though the wife did not have any part in him getting yelled at or having a bad day at work, he feels it is only right to take his resentment out on his wife because she is there for him to beat on.
Jealousy

Another reason may be because the husband can is jealous of his wife for one reason or another. For instance, if she is talking to someone else, going to the store and looking at another male figure, or even talking about someone else and not him.

According to my friend Claudia she says, “My father would come home and be envious if my mother was speaking to the next door neighbors. Even though the next door neighbor had a wife, he still got upset and furious when she spoke to him. It was not a big deal and there is no reason why he should have gotten so upset.” This is really upseting because Claudia's mother was just having a conversation with her next door neighbor and she got in trouble.

Alcohol Issues

Last but not least, there are many men that beat their wives because they have an alcohol problem. Drinking alcohol is not an excuse for the man to beat his wife. It is an excuse for the man to say that it is the reason he beats his wife and it gives him an extra boost. Furthermore, the man might have been in an abusive household and that is the lifestyle he knows best so he feels the need to beat on his wife.

My Perception

Listening to my friend Claudia telling me why her father beat her mother was really disturbing. The reason is because money, jealousy, and alcohol are really huge issues in this situation. In her situation it was because of jealousy. The men feel that the women should just talk and look at him and nobody else. Its sad because the women can't have eyes or their own mind.

Sexual Abuse in Domestic Violence

Sexual Abuse and What It Is

As you have seen in the previous blogs, I described physical and verbal abuse. Another abuse tactic that is used in domestic violence is sexual abuse. This abuse is defined as having one perform a sexual act that he/she does not want to.

Examples of Sexual Abuse

Examples of sexual abuse can be having sex and playing with sexual objects when the other person does not want to. Sexual abuse is a form of rape because rape is forcing one to have sex when he/she does not say yes or refuses to have sex.

My Word on This Type of Abuse

People may think that some women are not verbally, physically, or sexually abused what so ever in their relationships, but by listening to this expert we see that violence is part of women's lives. I believe that all women may have one experience in their relationships were the men spoke to them the wrong way or made them feel worthless.

When two people are in a relationship, one thinks that they can trust each other the most. Being in a family is one of the most dangerous things because one thinks they can trust their spouses, but they are the ones who can do most of the damage to oneself. Sexual abuse is so sad because women don't have a say and sexual activities should be something pleasureable and in this situation it's not.

Verbal Abuse in Domestic Violence

Verbal Abuse

The second abuse that occurs in domestic violence is verbal abuse. This abuse is used to make the victim feel worthless. This type of abuse can be more hurtful than physical abuse because a hit can last a second, minute, or an hour, but words can stay in the victims head forever.

Verbal abuse can be yelling, nagging, threatening, screaming, or blaming the victim for the abusers actions. The victims self esteem drops because the abuser is always saying how ugly, fat, dirty, and worthless he/she is constantly so the victim does not know any better. Even though verbal abuse is not hitting the victim, it is damaging to the victims mind.

Verbal abuse can be manipulative and controlling. It can be small subtle messages that are hurtful to the victim. After getting verbally abused, the victim feels as she does not have her own personality because someone is constantly telling her negative things and controlling the way she thinks.

An Expert's Voice

According to, a Sociolinguistic and gender studies expert, Jarmila Mildorf comments, “Among other forms of domestic violence, verbal abuse is often neglected because it hurts psychologically and emotionally rather than physically and thus remains ‘invisible” (Mildorf, 108). Verbal abuse hurts deeper than any other abuse because unlike all other abuses, this abuse can be mentally damaging.

A Further Explanation: In My Opinion

As we learned here, verbal abuse can be more hurtful than physical abuse. We may all be asking ourselves, how is that possible? Well, when a man hits a woman, it hurts very bad because the man is taking all his force and taking it out on the woman. The woman may cry, scream, or attempt to run away because it hurts so bad.

So how is it possible for words to hurt more than beating? I believe that when a man constantly tells the woman how worthless she is, it hurts more because her self-esteem is dropping by the second. Yes, it does hurt when he hits her, but words are kept in her head a lot longer than a punch in the face that lasts less than a couple minutes.

Mildorf, J. (2005). Words that Strike and Words that Comfort. Journal of Gender Studies, 107-122. Retrieved from http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/content~content=a713995715~db=all~order=page

Physical Abuse in Domestic Violence

Physical Abuse

In domestic violence, there are three types of abuses that I would like to talk about one of which is physical abuse. This abuse in domestic violence may be used in various ways. This type of abuse is very dangerous. The beater can hit, spank, push, shove, slap, or punch the victim. Since men are a lot stronger than women, they can get very injured and may have to go to the hospital.

Physical abuse can result in death, bruises, and broken or sprained bones. When women are pregnant, the men beat the wife without caring about the child because he is jealous of the baby. This may cause the woman to have health problems because the baby may die and she might get severely injured.

Sometimes batterers will use physical abuse to restrain the victim from doing something he/she does not want to. Many victims do not own an occupation because their partner does not want him/her to be out in public. If the victim does own a job, then the batterer will take the money from him/her because he/she needs to have full control over everything he/she does.

An Expert's Word

According to, Ola W. Barnett, a distinguished professor Emerita of Psychology at Pepperdine University and Alyce D. La Violette, Founder of Alternatives Counseling Association, “Batterers may use physical force or threats to control the woman’s ability to participate in the work place. While physical abuse allows an abuser to maintain control, economic abuse further restricts a woman’s ability to escape” (Barnett & La Violette, 27).

My Personal Opinion

As Barnett stated, the abuser really wants to maintain control over his other half. The batterer does not let the victim do anything because he wants to be in full control over what the woman does every minute of her life.

This type of abuse is extremely hurtful and disturbing. The men do not care about what the results may be, they just take their feelings and emotions out by beating the women until they cry or scream because then they feel that they have accomplished something.

Ola, B. W., & Alyce, L. D. (1993). It Could Happen to Anyone: Why Battered Women Stay. Retrieved October 29, 2008, from http://www.jstor.org/scici?sici=0094-3061(199507)24%3A4%3C382%3AICHTAW%3E2.0.CO%3B2-7&cookieSet=1

Cycle of Violence

Walker's Cycle of Violence and the Three Stages

Lenore Walker’s, “Cycle of Violence” has a three stage sequence of events that occurs in violent relationships. During the first stage, tension builds up between the couple. This results in minor acts of violence, verbal outbursts, and getting mad at everything and anything and violent threats occur in this stage.

The second phase is when the battering actually occurs. This is the stage where the victim calls the police and/or family members. During this stage, the victim might do something to make the beater mad so she can get some power and/or control and get the beating over and done with.

During the third phase, which is called the loving contrite phase, the beater will continuously say sorry and say that it will never happen again. He tells her how much he loves her. He will also say that if she did what he wanted her to, he would have never beaten her. After this phase it is just a matter of time before stage one occurs (Walker).

My Perception towards Walker's Cycle

I have read a lot about domestic violence and I thought that this was important in knowing about domestic violence. The cycle was intriguing to me because the situation does not seem to get better, but what ends up happening is that the same exact steps occur over and over.

I feel that the cycle is ridiculous because when my friend Claudia's mother would get beaten, her husband would tell her that it will never happen again and that he had a bad day at work. Claudia's mother would listen to him and think that everything will be alright after that, but it just kept happening time in and time out.

I believe that even if a person does not live in a household such as this, him/her has an opinion and/or something to say about domestic violence. Many people may have had friends or family that have been in this situation and they couldn't do anything about it. I believe this is such a bad situation and I would hope that one day it stops. But guess what? It is a never ending process.

Devine, L. J. (2008). Lenore Walker's Cycle of Violence. Retrieved October 29, 2008, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Lenore-Walkers-Cycle-of-Violence&id=1366375

Domestic Violence and What It Is

What Domestic Violence Is

Hello again! As you already know, I am writing about domestic violence. I am going to briefly speak about what it is and the three types of abuses that occurs in this type of situation. Some of you may know how to define domestic violence and what domestic violence consist of, but I am going to lay some information out there.

Domestic violence is when two people are in a relationship and one tries to control the other. This kind of situation occurs more to the woman than the man. The man is the more powerful one in the relationship. Domestic violence may occur to men, but rarely does this happen.

An experts word on types of abuses

“Spouse abuse, or battering, is the victimization of a spouse, former spouse, living partner, former living with a partner or someone with whom the abuser has or has had an intimate/romantic relationship. Battering, which is predominantly perpetrated by men against women may take the form of physical, sexual and/ or psychological abuse and is generally repeated and often escalates within relationships” states Klaus, Patsy A, a Justice Statistics and Domestic Violence expert.

Physical, Verbal, and Sexual Abuse


As you can see here, there are a few types of abuses under domestic violence which includes physical, verbal, and sexual. A man might be embarrassed to say that his wife beats him in the situation that the woman is beating the man. Not only is domestic violence morally wrong, but it is hazardous. Battering is a power-driven situation where the abuser feels that he has full power over the victim.

Physical abuse can be extremely hurtful to the woman because the man has more force than she does. On the other hand, verbal abuse, in my opinion, is more hurtful than physical abuse because it makes the woman feel that she is unworthy. Sexual abuse is something that makes me very sad. The man here is forcing the woman to do sexual activities without her wanting to. She will get beaten or yelled at if she does not listen or do what the man wants her to.

All of these abuses are really sad to think about. Why would a man feel the need to make his wife cry or feel that she is worth nothing? I really do not think that domestic violence should ever happen because it is wrong in every way, shape and form, but it happens all the time.


Klaus, & Rand. (1991). Physicians and Family Violence: Ethical Considerations. Retrieved October 29, 2008, from http://www.amaassn.org/ama1/pub/upload/mm/369/ceja_bi91.pdf

Introduction to my Blog

Hi there! My name is Vanessa Reyes. I am currently a Junior at Rowan University in Glassboro, New Jersey. My major is Early Childhood Education with a dual major in Writing Arts. My blog is about Domestic Violence. This was assigned as a class project and I chose this topic because it is something that I have always been interested in.

Thankfully, it has not occurred in my own household, but I have experienced it in the household of my close friend, Claudia. This is not her real name because I am protecting her privacy. Ever since I went through that experience in my life, I wanted to learn more about the topic because I never understood why a man felt the need to torture his wife physically and mentally. Since me and my friend Claudia were young and hung out all the time, I felt as if that was happening in my household because I was so close to her and her family.
I chose to blog about this topic because it occurs often and I would like to inform people out there about the different aspects of Domestic Violence. No, I am not an expert on this topic, but I know many aspects of it and my experiences back me up. I do have many questions about Domestic Violence that I don't seem to understand.

It was extremely disturbing seeing Claudia's mother get abused mentally and sometimes physically. Even though I was not there at the times when she got abused physically, I would go to her house and she would tell me not to come in. I was shocked because it was the first time she did not want me there. The reason why was because her mother had bruises, black eyes, or cuts. Her mother was so close to me that I felt that it was happening to my own mother.

I am attempting to catch the attention of women who are going through this that can explain what they are going through, children whose mothers are suffering day by day with their husbands, anyone interested in the topic just like me that want to be informed, and inform me about this.